my Dear children (an open letter)

  - February 23rd, 2009 by Shalini Nambiar | Posted in life   14 Comments »
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‘Mom, I am now 19 and I think am capable of deciding what to do’, ‘Yes, I think so but you have done well in the CAT exams and you might as well concentrate your energies there’. ‘Mom, you are a writer, an educationist and you have always said follow your dreams so let me tell you , give me two years of my life and I want to do what I feel like doing i.e music’. My heart skipped a beat when I heard Karan, my son tell me this.
The selfish mom in me had taken over and at that moment I was blind of all my teachings and lectures to parents and argued with him as to how important it is to be professional and so on… I knew that what I was saying was falling on deaf ears… .and that night when I reflected on our argument I realized this is what I always advise parents not to do… always telling them to let the child follow his dreams and what was I doing right now… just the opposite… Thus for the first time that night I sat and decided to write a letter to both my children

Dear Tanya and Karan
Probably this is the first time I am writing to you but many things can’t be told but can be written. I know you both are matured enough to understand and do follow it… its a mums advise with all the blessings and good wishes. First and foremost let me tell you that I am very proud of you both.

Today whatever you both are… I am really proud of you. I want you to follow your dreams… sometimes its the Mom which takes over me and I start telling you things to do which are generally expected at this stage… but no don’t believe me at that moment as that’s the moment of weakness in me as a mom.

Remember in life its very few people who actually do what they love to do and those are the people who have been always successful in that as they work hard for that… Dreaming is very important in life and I want both of you to dream… dream big always… as this whole world is based on the law of attraction… You get what you desire always but you must desire it hard. Most of the people desire things half heartedly and so never get them . It may be money, wife, husband, success etc. Always dream big and you should be preparid that you will always meet obstacles in life… but if you are honest in your venture and work hard you will be able to overcome that.

Its a fact from personal experience I am saying that when I was in school and used to read Mills and Boons books I use to dream of sitting in a gondola… visiting Italy and my Dad was a middle class government officer and we could at that juncture never afford to even think of going abroad. I use to imagine each day of being in a foreign land and everyone around me thought I was very stupid as I was dreaming of something which looked unachievable. But finally I did go and I cried when I sat on the gondola coz maybe it was silly but that was my biggest dream.

Its a fact of life and today when Karan said that I don’t follow what I write I felt very small and mediocre but please both of you work hard and I shall always be there to support you both. I might be the most imperfect Mom in the true sense but I have always believed in being friends with you both so that we can share everything and come up strong. I advised Karan not to get into Drugs because I saw people getting destroyed during my college days . The temptation to do something different should not drive one to do something which we know can destroy us but we should channelize our energies into following what we desire… there are many good things in life which we must enjoy. Also always remember when you want to do something different… people around you will always dissuade you as we basically follow a middle class approach and want to lead a life which can give us food and the necessities of life so we look for security and are scared to take risks but risks are very important because unless you take one… you will not be able to realize… you may or may not be successful in that but at least you have tried.

My dreams are still not fulfilled as I am at that juncture where I can’t take risks but I will fulfill them one day I know that. and that is the way I want both of you to think… I am very proud of you both and I don’t want you to think small in life ever… always think big… and do what your heart tells you. Most of the time we know what we want to do but are scared to do it… but overcome that fear as its a fact that your heart will never tell you wrong as it knows you better that anyone else .
Love you both and preserve this letter so that you can read it at times in life when you feel low and feel you are not achieving what you wanted to… or are stuck in your venture… overcome it and keep marching… I know it both of you will be very successful in life and I have full confidence not only in you both but in my dreams for you both.

Please also always be together and support each other..I want the bonding between you both to be always very strong and be there for each other. I’ll be  always there besides you both to support you and wish you all the best in life.

Tons of love and Blessings
May God bless you both
Your Stupid Mom.

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February 23 2009 01:58 pm | life

14 Responses to “my Dear children (an open letter)”

  1. Pradeep Says:

    Hey…that’s a wonderful letter and Kudos to you for making it public as …parents like me will learn a lot …and all the best to Karan for his venture and God Bless him as very few Moms will have the courage like this to let a child do what he wants to ……

  2. ----- Says:

    Well, wonderful letter.. u have that power to drive people and there r very few mothers like you on this earth.. all the best for karan and your daughter.. they will be successful because they have a mother like you to support them… all the best.. tk care.. keep writing..

  3. Moumita Says:

    That’s a wonderful letter Shalini ……It really need courage and I have learnt a lot from you …Hope God always blesses you with all the wonderful things in life ….and gives me also the courage to be a strong Mom like you ……………

  4. reva Says:

    Hats off to you Shalini for letting your son choose an unconventional career. It really needs some courage to do that. With a positive attitude and the belief and trust that you have in your kids, I am sure they will be able to fulfill their dreams in life.You are a source of inspiration to moms like me and I pray with all my heart that when time comes for my daughter to choose a career I should be able to support her wholeheartedly no matter what her choice is.
    May God bless you.

  5. vjkrishna Says:

    Nice professional blog. A teacher had such an impact in my school life by not doing anything to me. Since you’re a teacher, you could be interested. Check out –

  6. International Scholarship Says:

    Here in the U.S., we are at the other extreme. We teach our children to follow their dreams, and they do, but then we end up with a lack of students in the fields of engineering and computer science! So many Humanities, Social Science, and Music majors, and not enough jobs to go around for all of them! Wonderful post. . .

  7. dev Says:

    grt Shalini, straight from the heart. Sometimes as parents we are not able to fulfil all the expectations of our own children, though there are students who literally deify us, as their teachers. Kudos, candid writing and all the best for Karan! May he become a great musician!

  8. Ishaanika, Newzealand Says:

    The letter is amazing…very few moms in this world will have this courage ….ur kiddos are very lucky ….imagine here the whole life goes in convincing parents if one wants to pick up an unconventional career….anyway great reading

  9. Solilo Says:

    Shalini, Saw your link at Indus ladies right now and hopped here. A post in the form of letter amused me because I too wrote something similar yesterday but to a kindergartener 🙂

    Loved reading your post. Straight from the heart.

  10. mauravi Says:

    Dear Shalini,
    after reading this letter,i’m so proud that my kids are under the guidance of a truely understanding,balanced and strong director like you.
    you work with your heart when reqd and it shows.
    ur letter has reassured me to let my kids be what they want to be.i always tell them to feel proud for being the person they are.being a good human is the most IMP achievement in life.nomatter what work they pursue,whats IMP is that they should love doing it.becz when we do work with love then its heals our minds and souls.makes us feel ALIVE.
    and am pround of you too for showing courage in expressing your true thoughts on blog.keep it up.u inspire me.

  11. Pankaj Batra Says:

    Very touching.
    Today’s children need such support from parents.

  12. Says:

    Many thanks for publishing this and letting us know about this blog through indiblogger.
    Well, once I finished reading this I was asking questions to me.
    Did I forget to dream?
    Was I too busy in my childhood pursuing whatever my parents told, that I got no time to identify what I liked?
    Did I forgot to set an aim ?
    Did I became a person who loves to enjoy whatever I do eventhough I never feel satisfied?
    As a husband am I standing in the way of my wife who always has a lot of dreams which I never think is realizable?
    As a parent am I still making my children do what my parents did to me?
    Made me introspect a lot and hope I can let my children free and support them to dream and chase that dream rather than guiding them on my lines.

  13. yang Says:

    Parents often impose themself as authority so what they think is what thier children should do.However i think parents just only make an impact of supervision and pattern,not command for children.

  14. Anu grover Says:

    Many thanks for publishing this. very few moms in this world will have this courage. ur kids are very lucky. Hope God always blesses you with all the wonderful things in life and give me also the courage to be a strong Mom like you. And all the best for karan and your daughter.

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