Dad I Miss U…

  - December 28th, 2008 by Shalini Nambiar | Posted in life   10 Comments »
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I got up in the morning [It was Father’s day] to my children wishing my husband, ‘Happy Father;s Day’ and planning what they should do to make it special for him. My memory was flooded with thoughts of my Dad whom I had lost last year. The memory of his lying on the hospital bed trying to speak to us came back. When he was alive he would say, ‘Come and sit down I want to talk to you, why are you always so busy?’… but I was always hard pressed for time or didn’t take it seriously not realizing the God has strange ways of making you realize things. I never realized that very soon he will not have the time to speak to me. Very often we take things for granted.

When he was lying on the hospital bed after his fall in the bathroom, he  went into coma… he had lost his voice and one could see that pained look in his eyes of wanting to tell me and my sister a lot of things but he couldn’t… he was only able to move his one hand and the painful look of despair in his eyes was all that we saw for 13 days he was bedridden. Dad stayed in the hospital and his condition quickly deteriorated. The value of that breath which we take each day… I realized when we saw him struggling to breathe.

‘Come on , get ready tomorrow we are going to Mussourie… ok why tomorrow lets go just now ‘… Dad would say . This was the kind of adventurous spirit he had,  never planning… Packing off to be ready to move. He loved to travel and probably that’s the same love I have inherited. He loved to explore… loved to interact… and never feared anything.

While dealing with parents in my profession… I often tell them… give time to your children, speak to them, give them quality time and here I was feeling guilty for not being able to give time to my father when he wanted me to.

My father was one of the most important people in my entire life. There was no one like him. My father was always the one that I could go to whether I was feeling up or down. When things were looking up in my life, he would support me with his enthusiasm and encouragement. When things were looking down in my life, he would listen and always give me his shoulder to cry on. I loved my father for his kind heart and his unconditional love and forgiveness towards me.. I wish he knew that he meant the world to me.

I feel that my emotional support is gone. He taught me to Dream and dream big… ‘Always dream so that you may try to fulfill it… ‘ He gave me the courage to face the world ..always motivating me and never discouraging me .It is that strength that he gave us that I wish my mom who is so meek now could have orld for her came to an end that day and she is not able to come out of it.

‘Don’t give her anything to eat for lunch, she has to eat Spinach’… My Dad screamed once and he had locked me up in a room. I can never forget to this day how he felt after an hour. He was feeling miserable for doing that. I was in Grade III at that time.

For those who have experienced loss, there isn’t much you can do except remember the good times. I’ve been doing that since the day I lost my father I’m mainly putting this here, so I can remind myself of the goodness in this man. I feel sharing the pain will lessen it. I miss him! I still can’t seem to explain what losing someone does to you. I often am still looking for that emotional support which was always there… I search in vain and it’s hard to find that .

My Dad is gone and I still can’t comprehend it. I still remember in my younger days just hanging out with him and talking about absolutely nothing. That is always the greatest isn’t it? Having a conversation with your father about absolutely nothing. I found that to be the most enjoyable when my dad and I both had a lot to say, but it all meant nothing. Just being together was all that really mattered to both of us. He was a like a BEST FRIEND to me more than a father and I’ll miss that. But I hold him each day in my heart and look forward to seeing him when it’s my time to call it quits!

As I sit here writing these words, tears still well up in my eyes and my heart still aches. You see, he was my Daddy, and I miss him.

Shalini Nambiar,
Director,
Excelsior American School.

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December 28 2008 02:16 pm | life

10 Responses to “Dad I Miss U…”

  1. Parul Says:

    I miss him too… so much 🙁 I don’t think i believe that he is gone…

  2. Radha Says:

    Naam, a truly heart touching article….i miss my dad …..it has brought tears to my eyes

  3. Sangeeta Says:

    I can totally relate with what you are feeling about yr dad. God takes away people so that we can treasure them. When they are alive we take them for granted. Moral of the story – don’t waste your moments thinking about what could have been – invest in your mom – spend time with her. She’s yr connection with dad. And even though you can’t dialogue with her the way you cd with dad – it doesn’t matter – just be near her – hold her hand and make her feel wanted.
    Cheers

  4. A Says:

    My dad died unexpectedly today at 1am and I already miss him. I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe I won’t be able to talk to him again. He was only 60.

  5. reva Says:

    Shalini I can truly understand your feelings and the pain that you experience day in and day out. I myself live in a constant fear of loosing my parents. With their health deteriorating by the day I never really know if I will get another chance to see them and this very thought rips me apart. I really don’t want to imagine how life would be without them as they are my only emotional anchor with whom I can share almost anything and everything under the sun. At times I think that there has never been a time when I have lived on this planet without them so how am I going to survive without them. Oh God I am just not able to write without breaking down but I somehow feel that sharing my feelings would give me some courage and make me feel better. As I just mentioned that I share all my feelings with them, I asked my father one day that I fear loosing him. I fear what would I do if I called up some day and could not find him. He just replied with his usual sense of humor that this is a life-cycle and every person on this earth has to leave some day. The breaths that we take are pre- decided by the universe or God whatever you choose to call. Although this reply of his did not resolve my fears and insecurity I felt there is a certain amount of truth in it. So every single day I pray to the almighty to give them a long and healthy life- let them be there for each other at least as these are the years of life when they need each others support the most.

  6. meghana Says:

    Hear Touching post!

  7. anu Says:

    Hai

    I lost my dad in Oct 2006. Really, he was my everything..Suddenly, one day he disappeared from my life due to cardiac arrest..I was not able to tolerate his seperation till now..No body can take his place for love, sharing, affection, care. He played a role of mother, teacher, friend..oh my God..It was really painful when I read the article of your’s..I can understand the emptiness in your heart which your father left…with tears…anu

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