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A bleeding knee. A bruised jaw. Or a broken tooth. All part and parcel of growing up.
Or is it? When disaster strikes, all our buried anxieties and niggling doubts spill over, threatening to make us view every little injury as an accident averted, making us question the very values on which we are bringing up our children. A little bit of rough and tumble is fine, we tell ourselves, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.
The tragic shoot out in Gurgaon has sent shockwaves across the whole nation .This bizarre accident has sent a chill down the spine of all of us.
I strongly feel that for a 13 or 14 year old to have committed such a heinous crime each one of us is responsible. Let us question ourselves and evaluate how much value based teaching is imparted in schools and at home. The basic cause of this is Kids have not learnt control.
Adults usually learn to mask their aggression under a veneer of polite, civilized behavior. Small children cannot do that. They have to learn to do it.
Take an old case of a three-year-old boy from Blackpool, England. He smashed the head of his newborn sister against the settee, killing her instantly. Unfortunately, when children hit out without understanding how much damage they can cause, their clumsiness and carelessness can result in serious injuries.
Today parents give more freedom to their children. ,Hitting and bullying seems to be becoming the accepted form of behavior,. However we must realise that a certain amount of aggression is inborn. But at the same time this aggression can be be properly channelised. Productive hobbies such as sports and other outdoor activities are a must for children.
Let us question that are children getting the opportunities to channel their energy into productive activities? Not in India, they aren’t. What we find instead that children are being confined into cramped living quarters and driven out of playgrounds and parks by the advancing urban jungle. Every once in a while we hear of the already scarce parks being taken over by greedy builders and commercials complexes planned in their wake. And we all know that our burgeoning population has ensured that there are no quiet bylanes left to play on anymore. There is also the mounting academic pressure and the magnetism of the idiot box and computer games which has taken over our kids’ lives and enforced sedentary habits. Not only is the modern child becoming fat and unhealthy, his energy is dammed up. This can lead to serious problems like depression, anxiety and juvenile delinquency.
However, one cannot simply blame the outside world. There are ways in which parents can contain a child’s aggressive streak. Parents can show the way by understanding the most important thing not to use while violence while diciplining kids……it can be as simple as a slap.
Finally, parents are the role models. If a child is beaten regularly at home or sees his father abusing errant drivers and perhaps even hitting them, then a bad example is set. Let us also remember that adult behavior is imitated by the child, and violence is seen to be solution to problems.
What parents can keep in mind is that while a little rough and tumble is simply a manifestation of physical energy, a child should have become aware of the consequences of hitting out blindly by adolescence. He should be used to firm guidelines and be keenly aware of how his behavior affects another. It is important for children and youth to learn the functions and sources of their anger. They need to be encouraged to express their primary emotions (mad, sad, lonely, scared, frustrated, nervous) appropriately, rather than the anger itself In other words, when an individual expresses anger through outward aggressive acts, it is most likely that this is happening because other emotions and difficulties have not been expressed or resolved.
How do we go about helping children and youth who exhibit aggressive behaviors? One way is to teach them that recognizing their feelings and those of others is an important skill that will improve their social behaviors. Another way is to teach them the difference between assertive behaviors and aggressive behaviors. Assertiveness is a win-win situation in which an individual stands up for his or her own rights without jeopardizing the rights of others. On the other hand, aggressive behavior elevates the aggressor and minimizes the rights of others.
If a child or youth witnesses or experiences physical punishment as a way to solve problems, then it is most likely that they will model this behavior when solving problems outside of the home.
Bullying and aggression are more likely to occur in schools with low staff morale, high teacher turnover, unclear standards of behavior, inconsistent methods of discipline, poor organization, inadequate supervision, and a lack of appreciation of children as individuals. The attitudes and actions of teachers can be critical influences against bullying by helping students shift their behaviors into more productive and socially acceptable channels. Schools can further influence student and staff behavior by creating a normative climate that promotes peace, respect, and intolerance of bullying and other aggressive behaviors. By ignoring bullying or failing to intervene, school staff unwittingly reinforces this behavior by creating an environment that condones harassment and aggression as a means of resolving conflict and responding to actual or perceived threats.
Despite our busy lives, it’s important to recognize the basic needs that children need to receive so they can feel good about themselves and treat others respectfully. I’m talking about food, shelter and love. By love, I’m taking about the one-on-one attention you can give the children in your life. This individual time is worth more than you can imagine.
Shalini Nambiar
Director,
Excelsior American School
February 01 2008 07:56 pm | General
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February 8th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Hey , I liked the article …its absolutaly correct that everything starts in a very small and a harmless way and many a times we as parents and teachers dpo not realise its impact….The article is great…well done